やっぱり、ブログ休み中色々いいことがあったけど、ちょっとよくないこともあったね

失恋は確かだと分かってたけど・・・

こんなに激しく痛むか知らなかった・・・

風邪で休んだ時、色々考えて、凄く痛いでした。あまり眠れなくて、考えるとおなかの調子が悪くなったりして・・・

でも、その中の苦しさを周りの人にちゃんと隠すため、朝は私の大好きなバッハとマリスミゼルとGackt（ヘンなコンビネーションでしょう（笑））を聞いて、最近のいいことを頭に浮かんで、元気な顔出して楽しいテーマについて話す。今は色々なバイクと自動車学校の準備はしないといけないから、痛みを消すように、バイクとか仕事とか来週のラグビー部とかで一生懸命頭をいっぱいにして、元気な顔を一生懸命だす。　泣いていいけど、皆の前ではだめ。後、元気な顔を出すと元気になるのでしょう？

実は告白もしてないし、多分あの人は私の気持ちが分からないと思うけど、最近の出来事とか考えたら、もう失恋に間違いないから、これからも自分の気持ちを隠れていきます。迷惑かけたくないしね。

but for certain reasons (which i am not going to write, just in case he reads it AND happens to understand my english),  it's been especially hard tonight.  first of all, i never expected to start liking him so much, and was surprised by how much what i found out hurt. it was such a little thing too, now that i think about it.... but oh well... i'll be better soon i hope.

just gotta keep 前を向きing. i know i will never forget about him, but at least i can get over him.

and i always fall for people who are totally not into me... i think i do it because, generally speaking, it's safe.  usually if someone has no interest in me, i tend to lose interest pretty quick. 

basically, i quit before i begin.  fall for someone that is not interested, and you don't have to worry about the potential of them liking you, which will lead to the potential relationship and the potentially awkward and painful breakup. 

but every once in awhile, there is someone who i REALLY end up falling for... and this is one of those times, so i just have to deal with my heart's stupid decision to fall so hard for someone who is unattainable.  

i swear i can logic myself out of this!!!!

頑張ります！！！

now that i've gotten this off of my shoulders, let's see if i can finally sleep....

また今度他の先週のいい事について書くのを約束します！！！

お休み！（おはよう？？）

～鴉